I make my self laugh. I legit laughed at my own text.

Saskia: I could stalk you at work.
Me: Don't do that because I would get in trouble
Saskia: Not even if I wore a mustache and asked for your advice on office supplies?
Me: Try a berka instead and ask for the lean supreme

Talking Metal Bands with my friend

Me: Man yeah I really love Epica, the lead singer, she has an amazing voice
Friend: Yeah I KNOW RIGHT.
Me: Yeah, These guys make me want to listen to Iron Maiden now.
Friend: Oh, I can't stand Iron Maiden. All Their songs sound so similar
Me: wait...... wait.... what......
Me: *The lord is testing me*

A Scott Pilgrim Omegle chat I had

Obviously this guy has no idea what scott pilgrim is.